he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
