It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
