its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
