well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
