just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
