i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
