At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
