No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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