Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
