haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
