Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
