Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
it's like heaven, but drunker
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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