can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
