Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Randomize
