I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
