Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
