A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You need Xanax blowdarts
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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