i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
