Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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