I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
