didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
