it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
