apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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