Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
