We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
