walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
