beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Randomize
