The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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