i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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