I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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