I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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