ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
