I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
