someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I yelled at your uterus for you.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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