Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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