Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
