I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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