I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
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