dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
