the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
The Olympian is in my bed
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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