Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
