DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
