Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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