She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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