never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize