Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
