her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
