thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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