I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
