hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
