Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Randomize
