Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
