my sisters under your porch take her home
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I fill condoms, not promises.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
