Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Every concussion has its silver lining
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
