your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
