He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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