My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
