You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
